Bikash Kalita : Your Life, Your Choice

Useless and worthless


Sometimes at some point in your life, a particular feeling or thought may creep into your mind. And once it enters your mind there is no limit to the destruction that it can cause if you do not stop it, prevent it and remove it from your mind. You may have this feeling if you are not good at your job if you are not good in your work if you are not able to bring up your child well if you are not able to do anything in your life till now if you compare yourself with other people. Shyness and the fear of failure may also cause such a feeling. This thought, this feeling can completely destroy our lives. What is this feeling, what is the thought? It is the feeling of being useless and worthless. It is the feeling of “I am of no use,” or “I am not good enough.”

When you feel that you do not have any value it means you feel useless. Your value depends on how much value you give yourself. Valuing yourself is completely different from the feeling of unworthiness. Your own value is directly related to your self-esteem. However, if you only improve your self-esteem, it may not increase your value in your eyes because self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves and on the other hand, your own value is how much value you think you have.

Such feelings of unworthiness, worthlessness can push people to the extreme level, even to committing suicide. But be careful, this is just a feeling. It is a perception of your mind and it may not be true.

Why do you have such thoughts and feelings?

As mentioned earlier the reasons for this feeling or thought maybe different–losing your job, believing that you look awful, monetary problems, not achieving success in comparison to other people or something else. When you compare yourself to other people, when you lose your identity, when somebody else criticizes you, when you yourself are negative, mental problems may also result in the feeling of unworthiness or worthless.

Few important points

It is good if you like other people but do not forget to love the most important person in your life—you, yourself. You also need to learn to love yourself. You also need to have some empathy for yourself. Having empathy for yourself means having a little bit of kindness and love for yourself. You may be imperfect. Accept yourself, as you are and be a little kind to yourself and these two things will help you to reduce and eliminate the feeling of “I am useless and I am worthless.”

Why don’t you accept yourself as you are? Maybe you have done less in comparison to other people, you have achieved less success, and you think you are broken or maybe you think you have so many faults. No problem. Simply accept yourself as you are and tell yourself, “I am like that only, no problem, I know I have many faults, no problem, but from now on I will try to remove these faults and inculcate the desired virtues, but I will not be depressed thinking that I don’t have something.”

If you believe that you have a problem or fault it may be because of the feeling of unworthiness that you have. When we do not see any value in a particular product or item, we behave badly with it. The same thing we replicate in our own case–when we do not see any value in ourselves, we behave badly with ourselves.

Now, what can you do?

This is a very big question. Since it is just a feeling or perception, it may not be true. So, you will have to save yourself from such a negative and destructive thought.
You can do a few things which will help you to get rid of such feelings of unworthiness. But before that, we need to decide one thing. If you simply think about doing something but practically do nothing then there is no point in reading any further about the things that you can do because nothing will change. But if you do not sit wiggling your thumbs and actually take matters into your hand and take action irrespective of the condition of your mind and you complete those things, the following things will help you to get rid of the feeling of unworthiness and uselessness.

Do you take action? If yes, then only read the following.

Celebrate the small achievements

Everyone has some small achievements in life. It’s okay if you have not been able to do something big, no problem at all. You could not do it yesterday or today but it doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to do it tomorrow. Let’s celebrate the small achievements today and when we do something big tomorrow, we will celebrate that as well. You don’t have such small achievements? Look a bit closer. Maybe you know how to cook well, maybe you help other people, maybe you know how to tidy up and organize your home. Whatever and however small such things may be, doing the things well is a big thing because not many people can do it. If you can do that, those are your achievements and even if they are small, you can still celebrate them.

Positive self talk

You need to talk positively with yourself. I understand that when you have the feeling of unworthiness or uselessness in your mind, you do not feel like doing anything at all and you don’t do anything. Talking to you in the right manner may be a very difficult thing to do at that time. But, still, I am asking you to talk to yourself positively because unless you do something to change the condition, it will not change automatically.

What type of positive things do you want to talk about? What positive talk do you want to have with yourself? It may be a small but positive thing about yourself. If you do not find anything or if you don’t feel like doing it, you can simply take some inspirational quotes and read them intermittently throughout the day.

You can also try this practice.

Close your eyes, keep your spine straight, sit down in a calm place, calm your mind and simply repeat a simple and positive sentence. What type of sentence? Maybe you can say, “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” or “My life is valuable and I will find its value,” or “I will prove how valuable I am,” “From now onwards I will make my life valuable for myself and other people.”

You can choose any of these sentences or anything else that you like and repeat it several times with complete faith as if whatever you are saying is gradually becoming true for yourself. Simply repeat the positive sentence for five minutes and do this five times in a day. It makes it only 25 minutes throughout the day which has 24 hours. And this is my request to you–even though if you do not feel like doing it, please, please just for one week, do this with complete faith in the sentence. If you find out that it doesn’t work after that, simply leave it and if it works for you, keep doing it every day for yourself if not for others.

Help other people or do some social work

Every day try to help someone else or do some social work. Don’t worry about your own profit but do something for other people and society. You may not get such an opportunity to do something socially every day; in that case, help someone even though it may be a very small help. Help somebody to cross the road; offer the traffic police under the hot summer sun a bottle of water; you find a very hungry dog on the road, buy some food for it; there is a beggar asking for something, buy him something to eat; some family members are doing something, you can help him/her. If you do not find anything to do simply tell someone something positive that you see in him/her and see how that will make him/her feel good.


The habit of gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a big thing, which will not only help you to become happy but will bring in so much and so many benefits to your life. We do not do this much. But if you do this it will help you to get rid of the feeling of unworthiness and uselessness.

First, take a closure look. If you have your hands, feet, eyes, nose, and ears working fine, isn’t that a big thing? Some people do not have hands, feet, eyes. But you have it. Isn’t it necessary to show your gratitude for that? People who do not have hands or feet are traveling throughout the world, writing books, speaking in front of thousands of people, developing wonderful bodies going to the gym, getting married, creating and running normal families, earning respect from other people.

If you get the chance to eat a nice breakfast this morning, just think about it as you don’t have to eat the leavings of people and get the food from dustbins. In comparison to such foods that some people gather from the dustbins, isn’t the food that you had this morning is like a thousand times better? What is more important is that you are still alive. There are some people who are suffering from cancer and some other incurable diseases. Probably he or she is getting only three months or a month, a week or just a day to live. Your doctor has not given you any such definite period to live. You have enough time in your hand. Yes, you have enough time in your hand, otherwise, why would you sit down and do so much of negative thinking? Otherwise, you’d have enjoyed what were you supposed to do, you would have enjoyed with your family and partners and would have enjoyed the ephemeral, non-returning moments of your life. Shouldn’t you be grateful that you are getting so many days in this world, you could do whatever you like, and you are getting time to spend with your loved ones? Just think about that.

If you can find out a purpose in your life, then such feelings and thoughts of uselessness and unworthiness will not be able to do anything to you, because such a strong feeling and thought of having a purpose will completely destroy all types of negative thinking, perception, and feelings. If we try to live our lives with one or more such purpose or purposes in life, we will be able to understand the value of our lives. You will also achieve another big benefit — never ever you will have the feeling or thought of “I am useless, I am worthless, I have no value, and I have no use.”

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