“If you want to see the real woman, then provide her with such an environment, condition, where she can truly realise that she is careless and unconcerned- she has the freedom to do whatever she wants, whether it’s good or bad and the environment will not harm her in any way, rather will help for. Then she timidly brings her real woman out. If there is a slight change in the environment, she will hurry back to her shell. Creating this condition may not be easy or possible for everyone. Whoever can’t do this, we’ll only see her shell even after spending the whole life with her. If you are very strong and if you apply it, you’ll be able to crush the woman along with the shell but you will not be able to get the real woman out without hurting her.”- Maha Aranya, Anuj Barua

That’s true. Some people need a shell. In nature as well snails, tortoise and such other living beings have their own shells. Sometimes we also need this shell. Generally people really use it when they are very shy but it doesn’t mean that the shell is used only to stay away from others when you’re shy. It also doesn’t mean that only women need this shell, men may also need the shell sometimes. But, what do we need this shell?

The shell is a safeguard for the mind or the heart. We have something special inside us and the shell keeps its safe. It can save us from an environment that is full of too much sensitivity, people who talk too much but don’t listen to others, different types of distractions. It covers us till we are ready. It allows us to rest some time.

Is it a jail?

No. Whether it’s a jail or not will completely depend on you. Other people may decide that if you are inside a shell, if you are inmate in a jail. But, that may not be a jail for you. If it is stopping you from completely expressing your uniqueness, stopping you from being forward in life, stopping you from completely living your life, then it’s a jail for you. Otherwise it is not.

What do people say?

Someone somewhere at some point of time probably told you something like, “why do you stay put inside a shell, wouldn’t you get out sometimes?” Do not accepted just because some people are saying it to you. Do not accepted as true and do not feel guilty thinking yourself different from others and inferior to other people. Let’s find out whether staying inside a shell is good or bad for you.

This is something which is generally use in case of introvert people but it doesn’t necessarily mean that extrovert people do not have shells. They may also have their own shells, you just do not know that. Maybe they are better actors.

Does it mean you’re depressed?

If you stay in your shell sometimes, does it mean you are depressed? No. Does it mean you are lonely? Not necessarily. Maybe you enjoy staying in the shell sometimes and you like it. Maybe you take a little bit of rest when you’re tired from the fight of life and go inside your shell. You take rest for some time, come out of the shell and then renew your fight. There’s nothing wrong in that.

Getting out of the shell

Should you come out of your shell for someone else? That’s a decision which you need to take. If you come out of the shell because somebody is asking repeatedly, probably you do that because of a guilty feeling. You feel that people who are asking you to get out of the shell will also not be able to enjoy if you do not come out of the shell. But it will be better if you come out of the shell only when you want to and it’s good for you.

Sometimes we don’t need a shell

You don’t need your shell in presence of some people. You can easily come out of the shell in presence of those people. Never let such people go away from your life, be it your life partner, your friend or someone else.

When you choose your life partner, instead of making the decision based on who is more beautiful, richer, from a reputed or big family, you can decide based on this factor. Yes, in case of such a big decision of your life you can depend on a single and small indicator like in whose presence you can easily get out of your shell. If the person, in presence of whom, you don’t need a shell or you can easily get out of your shell, stays with you throughout your life, probably nothing can be better than that.

Is it wrong to get into the shell sometimes?

I cannot say it’s wrong. The person inside you need the shell sometimes. It keeps that unique and soft thing inside you safe. Then it is a crucial and necessary thing for you. If getting inside the shell doesn’t harm you, doesn’t shackle you and stop you from moving forward, then it’s not a problem for you. But if staying inside the shell is causing different problems in your life, then maybe getting out of the shell and spending more time outside will be better for you. Carefully observing what is happening in your case will help you to understand if you are spending more time in the shell than necessary. If that’s true for you, simply try to get out more.

When a tortoise faces any problem, it goes into the shell to save itself. Maybe you do the same thing. However, just be careful about one thing here. Do you do this each and every time you face a problem or tough time? If you do that, maybe you will need to change your tactic. Why? Because each and every time you face a problem, if you go into the shell to save yourself, the tough time or the problems will not automatically go away. You will need to learn to face those things and you will also have to practice doing that. And it’s surprising when you start practising just that, then problems or difficult times will not be able to make you fearful of them like before. Probably this is the biggest thing that you can do as a human being. If you do not practice facing the difficult times and problems, how will you be able to do that in future? If for some reason or situation you are forced to stay more in the shell, then probably changing that situation and the people involved in at will be a better choice for you. You have the right to stay out and enjoyed your life. Why should you give it up for someone else, and environment or situation?

Instead of using the shell to hide away and to run away from difficulties, can you use it as a support to make yourself tough, fearless and far better than before? Give it a thought.